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The "Fine Dining" Disaster by the Docks
So, I have to vent. My hotel is right next to a marina full of yachts and fishing boats; you can literally see schools of fish swimming by the shore. It’s gorgeous. There’s a stunning pool, too. Since I booked through Chase Edit, I got a great rate plus a $100 resort credit. Not wanting to let that credit go to waste, I booked a table at the hotel restaurant via OpenTable.
The "Invisible" Reservation
I headed down 15 minutes before my 8:00 PM reservation. I gave the hostess my name, and she goes, "Okay, let me check..." only to tell me she couldn't find it and the wait would be at least 30 minutes. I immediately pulled up my confirmation email and shoved it in her face. She glanced at it and suddenly had an epiphany: "Oh, here it is. But you still have to wait until exactly 8:00 to be seated."
Fine. Whatever. But looking around, the place was barely 30% full. I figured maybe there was a massive rush coming?
DIY Table Management
I killed time strolling by the pool and walked back at exactly 8:00 PM. She led me to a table that was actually two tables shoved together. Meanwhile, all the other small tables were either empty or uncleaned. Is the hostess/manager too busy to bus a table? I ended up splitting the tables myself and pushing the extra one aside. It doesn’t make sense, right?
The "Culinary" Experience
The menu was tiny—maybe 6 or 7 mains. Since I had steak last night, I went for the Roasted Pork Chop (the server hyped it up) and a Shrimp Linguine. For appetizers: soup, a Caesar salad, and a shrimp cocktail.
• Crab Soup: Decent, plenty of meat.
• Deconstructed Caesar: Acceptable.
• Shrimp Cocktail: Absolute nonsense. They took breaded, fried shrimp, seasoned them, and then chilled them before hanging them on the glass. Cold fried shrimp? It felt like eating leftovers. And they had the audacity to charge $25 for five tiny shrimp. I told myself, "Fine, it’s a high-end hotel restaurant, just let it go."
Service? What Service?
The "highlight" came when the entrees arrived while my appetizer plates were still cluttering the table. The server showed up with a plate in each hand, and I had to frantically clear the dirty dishes myself to make room for her. Is this a high-end restaurant or a cafeteria? Seriously, cue the eye-roll! 🙄
The Main Event (or lack thereof)
• The Linguine: A dry, clumped-up mess. And the shrimp? Exactly the same as the shrimp cocktail, just hot. Jesus Christ, if you only have two shrimp dishes on the menu, can you at least use a different cooking style? The texture was awful, but I used it as my "filler" starch and moved on.
• The Pork Chop: A thick slab of pork sitting on some poorly executed risotto. I took my fork and knife to the chop... and the entire table started shaking. I knew right then I had hit a landmine. I cut into the center; it was stark white and tough as a brick. If your teeth aren't in peak condition, forget about it. It was completely tasteless, too. I actually had to ask for salt just to make it edible.
The "Drum Solo"
The server eventually came over to ask how everything was. I gave her a live performance—drumming on the pork chop with my knife to show her how hard it was. She just stood there, shell-shocked. She apologized profusely, but I told her it wasn't her fault.
I paid the bill, walked out, and went straight to bed. Good night…
