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Leaving the carnival, I was craving a kebab. But not a doner kebab — I wanted a shawarma, you know, the kind you get on Edgware Road.
My drunk cousin had a great idea: “Let’s go to the kebab shop in Fulham.” He went on to explain that he’d been there once and had even seen the great Prince Naseem there.
At this point, the other passenger in the car could have shared his thoughts, but he’d already become bored with the conversation. And only expressed the following afterwards: "having seen how Prince Naseem has let himself go over the years, I’m not entirely sure we should be trusting his food recommendations".
So why am I writing this review?
Three days later, I’m still disappointed by the food, and I feel something needs to be said so hopefully they can raise their standards.
I’m not exaggerating when I say this was one of the most disappointing kebabs I can remember eating. I’m sure I’ve had worse, but I genuinely cannot remember the last time I ate a kebab that was this dry, they are normally greasy.
First, I wanted a wrap. Turns out they only do pitta bread. Fine. They have four sizes, so we went for the extra-large. Apart from the larger pitta, however, the amount of meat (mine was a chicken and lamb mix) was surprisingly minimal. In fact, I couldn’t believe they were willing to serve such a small portion in an extra-large kebab.
Then came the sauce question.
The guy serving us asked what sauces I wanted. Let me make this clear: the service was actually excellent. The staff were friendly, the guy serving us was bantering, helpful and genuinely pleasant.
But I cannot forgive him for offering me chilli or BBQ sauce.
I assumed I’d misheard him, so, operating on pure kebab-ordering autopilot, I said, “Garlic and chilli sauce, please.”
He replied: “We don’t have garlic sauce.”
😕
At this point, I probably should have cancelled the order. But, as I said, the service was good, so I persevered.
“Just chilli, then.”
He then asked if I wanted lemon juice on the salad.
“Yes, please.”
The kebab arrived.
It was dry, tasteless and cold.
And, in my opinion, there is almost nothing worse than a kebab that isn’t hot.
What made the disappointment even worse was that, while waiting for the food, I noticed a review from Jamie Oliver displayed prominently on the wall, with him singing the praises of the place.
After eating the kebab, I genuinely started questioning it.
I now understand why so many food influencers take the piss out of Jamie Oliver. If this is what he considers one of the best kebab shops in London, I’d be extremely nervous about eating at any restaurant he’s involved with.
The staff were great. The food was not.
And unfortunately, when you go to a kebab shop, it’s the kebab that matters.
